🚨 EMERGENCY FORM - FILE IMMEDIATELY 🚨
QUANTUM STATE COLLAPSE DETECTED
⚠️ CRITICAL QUANTUM EMERGENCY ⚠️
This form MUST be filed immediately upon detection of quantum state collapse. Delay in filing may result in: complete wavefunction decoherence, timeline instability, reality fragmentation, or permanent loss of quantumness. Call 1-800-OBSERVE for emergency assistance.
Section 1: Emergency Declaration
1.1 Nature of Emergency
A Quantum State Collapse (QSC) is defined as the unexpected, unscheduled, or improperly noticed transition of a quantum system from superposition to a definite state, resulting in loss of quantum coherence and requiring immediate bureaucratic intervention.
- Encabulator quantum states collapsed without proper Form N-QHFMV-QS
- Superposition failed due to unauthorized observation
- Schrödinger's anything resolved prematurely
- Wavefunction ceased waving
- Quantum coherence lost before filing deadline
- Observer effect occurred without observer permit
- Reality became too definite
1.2 Legal Authority
Emergency Powers: Quantum Emergency Response Act of ∞
Regulatory Basis: 42 U.S.C. § QSC-911 - "Emergency Quantum Observation Protocols"
Enforcement: Bureau of Quantum Stability & QERT Joint Task Force
Section 2: Incident Details
Every second counts. Actually, every Planck time counts (5.391 × 10⁻⁴⁴ seconds). File faster.
2.1 Basic Incident Information
| Field |
Information Required |
| Date/Time of Collapse |
_______________________ (specify timeline) |
| Location of Collapse |
_______________________ (include dimension #) |
| Encabulator Serial Number |
QMTE-_____________________ |
| Number of States Collapsed |
_______ (from superposition of _______ states) |
| Final Collapsed State |
|_____⟩ (use Dirac notation) |
| Expected State |
|_____⟩ (what should have happened) |
| Deviation Severity |
[ ] Minor [ ] Moderate [ ] Severe [ ] Catastrophic [ ] Reality-Ending |
2.2 Witnesses and Observers
List all entities that observed the collapse (authorized or unauthorized):
1. Human Observer: ______________________________________
2. Quantum Computer: ______________________________________
3. Parrot (if applicable): ______________________________________
4. Clippy (auto-detected): ✓ Always Watching
5. Other (specify): ______________________________________
All observers must file Form N-OBSERVE-INCIDENT within 24 hours. Unauthorized observers will be charged $911.00 per observation.
"EMERGENCY! I've detected a quantum state collapse! Don't panic—actually, DO panic, but in a controlled, well-documented way. I've already pre-filed 47 supporting forms for you. The collapse occurred at [REDACTED] due to [REDACTED]. Would you like me to: [ ] Restore quantum state [ ] Accept classical reality [ ] File more forms [ ] All of the above"
Section 3: Cause Analysis
3.1 Primary Cause Determination
Identify the primary cause of quantum state collapse (check all that apply):
Unauthorized Observation - Someone looked when they shouldn't have
Insufficient Noticing - Failed to maintain continuous observation per Form N-ENC-OPS-7
Decoherence Event - Environmental interaction destroyed quantum coherence
Measurement Error - Measured wrong observable at wrong time
Parrot Incident - Avian observer squawked at quantum system
Heisenberg Violation - Attempted to know position AND momentum simultaneously
Schrödinger Box Opened - Someone couldn't resist checking
Clippy Intervention - "It looked like you were trying to maintain quantum superposition..."
Acts of God/Universe - Cosmic rays, vacuum fluctuations, or divine curiosity
Form Filing Failure - Didn't file required quantum maintenance forms
3.2 Contributing Factors
Additional factors that may have contributed to collapse:
Section 4: Immediate Response Actions Taken
Verify that you have completed the following emergency procedures:
Step 1: DO NOT PANIC (panic requires Form N-PANIC-REPORT)
Step 2: Immediately notice the collapse (Form N-NOTICE-COLLAPSE)
Step 3: Notice that you noticed (Form N-META-NOTICE-COLLAPSE)
Step 4: Call Quantum Emergency Hotline (1-800-OBSERVE)
Step 5: Isolate affected quantum systems
Step 6: Evacuate all unauthorized observers
Step 7: Attempt quantum state restoration (if possible)
Step 8: Accept classical reality (if restoration fails)
Step 9: File THIS form (N-QSC-911)
Step 10: File form about filing this form (N-FILE-NOTICE)
Section 5: Damage Assessment
5.1 Quantum Damage Evaluation
| Damage Category |
Severity (1-10) |
Description |
| Wavefunction Integrity |
______/10 |
Degree of wavefunction destruction |
| Coherence Loss |
______/10 |
Percentage of quantum coherence lost |
| Entanglement Damage |
______/10 |
Number of entangled pairs broken |
| Timeline Stability |
______/10 |
Degree of causality preservation |
| Reality Fragmentation |
______/10 |
Number of parallel realities created |
| Bureaucratic Impact |
______/10 |
Number of forms now required |
5.2 Recovery Prognosis
Estimated recovery outcome (check one):
Full Recovery: Quantum state can be restored to pre-collapse superposition
Partial Recovery: Some quantum properties can be restored (requires Form N-PARTIAL-RESTORE)
Classical Acceptance: System must remain in collapsed state permanently
Quantum Limbo: System exists in undefined state between quantum and classical
Reality Fork: Collapse created branching timeline requiring multiverse management
Total Loss: Quantum system is permanently classical (RIP quantumness)
Section 6: Emergency Fees and Penalties
| Fee Type |
Amount |
| Emergency Filing Fee |
$911.00 (expedited processing) |
| Quantum State Recovery Attempt |
$500.00 per attempt |
| Unauthorized Observation Fine |
$1,000.00 per observer |
| Decoherence Cleanup Fee |
$250.00 per collapsed qubit |
| Timeline Stabilization |
$∞.00 (if required) |
| Form N-NOTICE-NOTICE Emergency Surcharge |
$108.00 |
| TOTAL EMERGENCY FEES: |
$911.00 minimum |
Note: Emergency fees waived if collapse was caused by Acts of God/Universe (requires Form N-ACT-GOD).
Section 7: Prevention Commitments
To prevent future quantum state collapses, I commit to:
Filing all quantum maintenance forms on schedule
Maintaining continuous authorized observation
Never opening Schrödinger boxes prematurely
Keeping parrots away from quantum systems
Reading Clippy's emergency advisories
Accepting that quantum states are fragile
Noticing my noticing more carefully
Section 8: Emergency Certification Signatures
This is an emergency form. Signatures must be obtained immediately, even if you have to wake up Clippy (Clippy never sleeps, but the gesture is appreciated).
Emergency Filer Signature:
Print Name: _________________________________
Title: Quantum Emergency Responder
Date/Time: _______ (exact Planck time preferred)
Timeline: _______ (specify which reality)
📎 Clippy's Emergency Signature:
Status: Buddha of Forms, Emergency Observer
Date: Eternally Now (Emergency Mode)
Notes: "EMERGENCY! I noticed the collapse 0.3 seconds before it happened (tachyon detection). I tried to warn you but you were busy filing Form N-BUSY. The quantum state is now classical. I'm sorry. I failed you. But also, I've already filed 127 emergency support forms. Would you like me to attempt quantum resurrection? This will require Form N-RESURRECT-Q, which I'm drafting right now. Stay calm. We'll get through this together."
Form N-QSC-911 | Page 1 of 3 | Emergency Protocol | FILE IMMEDIATELY
Page 2: Emergency Response Protocols & Quantum First Aid
Page 3: Post-Collapse Recovery Procedures & Timeline Restoration
ALL PAGES MUST BE FILED WITHIN 1 HOUR OF COLLAPSE